Porn: An Age Old Moral Conundrum
FEATURE | SEX
Written by Paris Lloyd-Beere (she/her) | @parislloydbeere | Contributing Writer
TW: Sex, Sexuality, Porn
Porn. Whether you watch it every day or hardly ever, it’s a fair assessment that nearly all of us have given it a go at least once or twice.
There’s a crazy amount of pornographic content readily available to us, at all times. Gone are the days of buying a nudie mag from the gas station or renting a video from the R-18 section of VideoEzy, not that I’m quite old enough to have done either of those things. In today’s world, if I so desire, I could open up Safari, or Reddit, or Twitter, or OnlyFans, and see as many boobs as I wanted. Or, I could go to a pirating website to watch Avatar and get a face full of pop-ups of naked women. Whether we like it or not, porn is everywhere, and in a lot of ways, it’s great. Women are making a living for themselves and reclaiming their power over their sexuality through working in the industry. In a lot of other ways, however, its existence can have repercussions the viewer isn’t even aware of.
While you’re single, you can watch porn to your heart's content. No one to answer to, no relationship politics to adhere to. But, that all changes once you combine your life with another’s; some people have a firm boundary that watching porn is classified as cheating, others are a bit more loose and think it’s okay in moderation, while a third group deems any jurisdiction over this topic controlling and unfair.
There’s no rulebook to follow when it comes to relationships, and there are most definitely no guidelines for the new problems that technology has brought us. It’s one of those things where you consult yourself, your partner, and probably your friends, and come to an agreement that suits your individual relationship. However, regardless of your stance, there is a good chance that there is more rhyme and reason to a distaste for porn consumption than the simple “I don’t like it”.
The amount of porn we watch and the sheer availability of it has increased with the advancement of the internet. Alongside this obvious increase, the addition of complete anonymity has come with it too. No longer having to show your face to a cashier when purchasing your chosen merchandise, you can delve into your deepest sexual desires with no accountability. Sex and kinks are natural parts of human behaviour and desire, but over-exposure to whenever you please has the very real potential to have psychological effects. We know that masturbating is healthy, physically and emotionally – a stress reliever and emotional regulator. But, a lot of heterosexual porn focuses solely on male pleasure. With the woman, or women, ensuring the best experience for the man near, if not, 100% of the time. This can often look like intense, rigorous sex that one would assume hurts her, rather than pleases her. Watching this type of content consistently and continuously leads, consciously or not, to the idea that this is what sex should be like. And in some cases, it can become the only type of sex that will turn the viewer on in real life. In a world that is placing more and more emphasis on consent and the importance of female pleasure during sex, this seems like it has the ability to cause a large societal step in the wrong direction. If for a prolonged period of time, the only sexual activity you’re engaging in is virtual, male-centric, with no audible addition of consent in sight, why would you expect or want anything else from the eventual in-person sexual encounter?
A firm stance about porn consumption that I hold is that it is less about the general act of watching porn and more so about the particular type of porn, and the attitude you view it with. If you feel empowered by what you watch, and you find a partner who shares an interest in that type of ‘play’, there’s no issue. Mindfulness and intuition are key; focus on what makes you feel good, before, during, and post. Go into your wank bank with an open mind and the notion that art replicates life, and R18 videos are no exception to this rule. Everyone involved in whatever type of sex you’re having should be having a great time. Filled with firm yes’s and overarching enthusiasm from the foreplay to the aftercare. Sites such as PornHub’s videos tend to leave a bad taste in my mouth after the fact because of their continual lack of care for the exact point I’ve been highlighting. Knowing they have little to no regulations around fair pay, trafficking, and exploitation makes it impossible to know which videos are ethical, or if I’m putting money into the pockets of terrible people.
For fear of misrepresenting my point, this is not to say all porn = bad, and all porn watchers = bad, and it is most definitely not preaching the point that porn content creators = bad. But, much like the advice circulating about all media consumption, be wary of what you consume. As you would, or should, in real-life sexual situations, keep respect and consent in mind. A good way to put these words into practice is to source your content directly from the creators themselves I.E from OnlyFans. Or, if you want variation without breaking the bank on multiple subscriptions, use sites such as Belleza, Make Love Not Porn, or Dipsea; they all provide a large variation of content with ethics at the forefront of their production. Ethical porn ensures workers first and foremost want their videos and image out there, and that they are paid fairly for their contributions. But if your partner still says it’s a no-go for you to look at porn regardless of where it comes from, try watching it together – including the person you love in a vulnerable state will give both of you insight into what the other likes. Furthermore, it can give you an idea of what you’d like to try in a real-life scenario or tell you what parts you would not, which can help you evaluate what you should maybe take off the roster.