Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, whatever your poison, Auckland seems to throw up the same kinds of people on repeat. Swipe through some of these familiar faces that you are bound to have swiped through before.
Illustration by Yi Jong
The “Have You Heard of MagicHollow?”
Probably from Kings College, definitely got the ‘rents card. Exclusively wears Tommy and Ralph Lauren but like, vintage.
The Waikato
Wait, do we not post pictures of us posing with dead animals and fish here? Oops didn’t get the memo lol #piewpiew
The Woo Girl
A staple, an icon and a legend. We all know the woo girl. Half of Tinder is the woo girl. Half of the bar you are in now is the woo girl. They are noisy and love to drink Pals and hit the 6am Body pump class at Les Mills. Catch you at Laneway ;)
The To Kill A Mockingbird
Rimless frames and a long black at Remedy is the only remedy this man needs. A delicate middle parting of his light brown hair and a light cardigan to combat an Auckland chill. A gentle man who will potentially use that gentleness to screw you over and then claim the victim.
The Not Like Other Girls
No dresses here! I wear Dickies and Doc Martens stomp stomp stomp.
The Holistic
They won’t reply to you quickly, through no fault of their own (the reception can be patchy on their commune just west of Warkworth). Dressed head to toe in the appropriated cultures of others, this whitey looks tighty in their dreads and harem pants. Sunrise yoga and lentils? Namaste!
The Dub Head
Wub wub wub I can’t feel my gums! #NETSKY
The Summer Intern
A bunch of photos of me and my boys blowing off some steam after a hard summer of #grinding away at Deloitte/Russel Mcveagh thanks to my white privilege and executive father. Look at my coiffed hair and half unbuttoned dress shirt. Perfectly paired with these chino shorts for a day of animal abuse at the races!
The Crystal Ball
Oh you’re a Sagittarius? Yeah sorry this ain’t gonna work. *Burns Sage*
The Vape Cloud
Literally just a cloud of vape... what do they look like? I don’t know. Is someone even there under all that blueberry mist? Well that’s all part of the MIST-ery :o
The Catch
Selfies, family photos, memories with friends, a great diversity of photos that all showcase a little slice of who I may be. DM me to find out more, let’s strike up some good conversation and then go on some dates. Tinder can be a really good platform and has helped form many great relationships, don’t hate. This could be the start of something special, and even if it’s not it could just be a really enjoyable time experiencing the joy of forming relationships and dating and forming connections and learning to grow from it all. But do be safe. Men can be really gross, and not just like farts and sweaty armpits and burps and all that, but like really gross. Men neeed better education around sex and consent and emotional intelligence and us men need to pick up our fucking game cause it isn’t hard to not be a fuck. And as shitty as it is that dating can be just as bad as it can be great, we need to make sure we are careful. Practice safe dating, don’t do any dodgy private meetups if something feels a little off. Tell people about your plans before you go. If things go further remember, consent is key.
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